GOP
offers Hispanics road to citizenship as long as they promise not to vote — In the
wake their weak election-day performance with Hispanics, many Republicans are
giving new consideration to passing the Dream Act that will afford Hispanics a
path to citizenship. Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-South Carolina) said, “We need to
wake up from our little siesta, move the enchilada wagon forward and bring
young Hispanics into our Republican casa.
I believe we can generate support for the Dream Act as long as the
beneficiaries are never allowed to vote.” Graham added that his colleague Sen.
James DeMint (R-South Carolina) has already climbed on board and has an idea
that will help the bill garner Republican support. Called the “You Have To
Speak English To Get Health Care” amendment, DeMint believes this is the type
of compromise that will guarantee increased attention from Hispanics in 2016.
Newt: “We must strengthen “bubble” to reject
election results”— Republicans who are presently “hand wringing”
over their abysmal performance in this year’s national elections including the
Presidential race are promising their supporters that changes will be made to
make this painful experience a thing of the past. Interviewed on the Today Show,
former House Speaker and Presidential candidate, Newt Gingrich said,
“Considering the pain the election results have caused, our best course seems
to be to strengthen the bubble so that even elections results cannot penetrate.
We’ve already successfully prevented facts, information, truth and reality from
getting in, but up until now, election results always got through. That has to
stop. We need to find someone who can teach other Republican candidates how to
simply ignore negative vote totals when they come in.”
When Matt Lauer asked if Republicans had considered
actually changing their policies toward Hispanics, women, economics, taxes,
spending, foreign affairs and domestic issues, Gingrich laughed, “Good one,
Matt.”
Scott
wins coveted “Voter Suppression Award—Gov. Rick Scott (R-Florida)
has won the coveted GOP Voter Suppression Award for producing record lines and
seven-hour delays in this year’s Presidential election. “I’m happy for the
award,” Scott said, “but I’m still disappointed that our extraordinary efforts
at discouraging Obama supporters from casting ballots did not produce the large
victory we had hoped for. We grossly underestimated what we call the ‘Wet Paint
… Do Not Touch’ syndrome. When we cut early voting by six full days and the
legislature piled on those crazy 12 constitutional issues, we figured we would
deliver Florida for Romney. I guess they just got mad.” Scott added that
they’ll do better next time. “For 2016, we may require voters to produce their
country club membership cards to get their ballots.”
Running
out of generals, Pentagon names corporal to lead troops in Afghanistan— The
sex-scandal-induced resignation of David Petraeus has apparently lassoed the
top commanding officer in Afghanistan, Gen. John Allen. As the FBI continues
its investigation of thousands upon thousands of e-mails and notes passed
during study hall, the Pentagon is fearful that the scandal will affect almost
every officer in the Afghani Theater. In fact, as Sec. of Defense Leon Panetta
has been reviewing the e-mails and notes, he has come to the conclusion that
the only remaining officer who is not mentioned in one of the e-mails is
Corporal Max Schmuckberger who arrived for his first tour of Afghanistan just
one week ago. Apparently, he had not been assigned an e-mail address yet.
Obama
calls San Diego “cliff rescue” team to Capitol — Facing the prospects of a stalemate with
Congress, President Obama has called Sgt. Weldon Glance, the head of the San
Diego Cliff Rescue Squad (SDCRS) to come to Washington to train his staff how
to get off the cliff if budget talks stall. The SDCRS is very active on the cliffs
overlooking Black’s Beach, famous for nude sunbathing. “People can’t just
wander onto Black’s Beach,” said Sgt. Glance. “To get on the beach, people
either have to walk miles or descend the steep cliffs above the beach.
Unfortunately, many people get stuck on the cliffs. That’s where we come in.” President
Obama said the training is appropriate since it will help his team focus on the
boobs in Congress who are holding the nation hostage to extend lower tax rates
for their wealthy contributors.”Note: Sorry it's taken so long to add a post to my blog. Would you believe I've been helping W clear brush at the ranch?
