Only 12 football players eligible nationally as NCAA finishes doling out suspensions
Indianapolis, IN: (Bob’s Blog) After the NCAA completes final 2012 suspensions of football players who accepted illegal cash, gifts or benefits, experts have determined that 12 players will still be eligible nationally. “We can field either an offense or a defense, oh and one kicker,” said NCAA President Mark Emmert. We’ll be looking for some international teams we can schedule for home games that will rotate to various stadiums from coast to coast. We’re committed to keep amateur football alive.”
When one reporter asked if players would ever reap any financial benefit from the billions of dollars that they helped bring to their universities while risking serious injuries on the field, Emmert said, “We already pay for their schooling, room and board, books and occasional keggers. That’s enough, isn’t it?"
Emmert continued, “The NCAA wants student-athletes to understand that cheating will not be tolerated. We will not allow our stadiums to become stained with corruption like the halls of Congress.”
Former Ohio State Coach Jim Tressel said that winners never cheat and cheaters never win. When reminded that he won 12 of thirteen games in 2010 with six players who would have been ineligible had he not hidden those players’ violations from the NCAA, Tressel said, “You know? I think I got an e-mail about that.”
At the prospect of losing millions in post season revenues, a Bowl Championship Series (BCS) representative said that they are planning an “Ineligible Bowl” on New Year’s Day. "It should be huge," the BCS representative said.
GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann said that as a Minnesota resident, she is a big football fan and can’t wait for her Badgers to win another Pac-10 title.
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