Romney demands President’s apology

Obama capitulates to Romney:
“I’m sorry you’re such a two-faced,
lying putz.”

Washington, D.C.: (Bob’s Blog) In a brief announcement from the steps of the White House, President Obama finally capitulated to presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s demand for an apology. The President looked into the camera and said, “Mitt, I’m very sorry that you’re such a two-faced, lying putz.”

Romney, who had demanded the President apologize for recent campaign rhetoric was pleased that the President “caved it.” Romney apparently forgot his previous position that no President of the United States should go around the world apologizing to anybody.

“I’m different,” Romney said. “Since I’m made of money, twenty-four percent of me is 100 percent American while the rest of me is Euros and Pesos hidden in various banks around the world.”

In a later interview with Matt Lauer of NBC’s Today Show, President Obama said that the list of things he’s sorry for regarding Gov. Romney is quite extensive. “I’m sorry he’s against his own health plan. I’m sorry he’s hiding millions of dollars from taxation. I’m sorry he changes his positions so frequently he could debate himself and still lose. I’m sorry he won’t take responsibility for the things he did while simultaneously taking credit for things he didn’t.”

“Gov. Romney is so out of touch,” Obama said, “that my campaign promise to my daughters was that I’d never let Romney take Bo for a drive.”

Select world leaders busy polishing Romney’s assets

If elected, Romney vows international tour to visit his money

Boston, MA: (Bob’s Blog) Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney vowed today that, if elected, he will conduct a world tour to visit all of his money.

Leaders of China, India, nations of the Middle East and South America will have to wait for a visit from a future President Romney who pledged that since his money will have played such a crucial role in his election that it would only be fair to visit those countries first.

After the new paint dries on Air Force One Million, the new name Romney has planned for the presidential jet, Romney will fill-er-up with hi-test and head for Ireland, Luxembourg and Switzerland. After private lunches with his secret stash of cash in Europe, Romney will return to the Cayman Islands and finish his world tour with a brief vacation in Bermuda where he and his money will go SeaDoo riding together.

“It seems fair,” Romney said, “that I take the opportunity to thank those dollars that helped get me elected.

Spokespeople for the Obama campaign said that their attempts to get Romney’s money to return to America voluntarily have failed due to the intransigence of Republicans in Congress who believe that Romney earned the money so he should be allowed to hide it wherever he wants. “Joint custody of my money is not an option,” said Romney.

“Besides,” he added, “at a federal income tax rate less than 15 percent, I’m paying more than every homeless person I know. I’m not embarrassed by that at all.”  When asked, Romney could not name a homeless person.

EPA seeks airway limits on Limbaugh and others

Scientists link Republican pontificating to global warming

Washington, D.C.: (Bob’s Blog)  As meteorologists seek to answer the public’s questions about the latest string of 100-plus degree days, scientists have finally linked global warming with the significant production of hot air coming from Republicans in Congress and their big-mouth pieces like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter.

According to Dr. Steven Schmidtmeter of MIT, the hot air coming just from the Senate Republicans has been responsible for the Washinton, D.C.’s average temperature rising more than five degrees.

“We think we could get the climate under control if Republicans would just shut up,” Schmidtmeter said. “Even the ‘cool’ emanating from the White House can’t be expected to counteract the damage being done by the GOP hot-air machine.

Schmidtmeter added, “The biggest harm to our climate, however, is coming from Fox News and other right-wing broadcasters like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter. Every time one of them opens his or her mouth, it’s as if a 1,000 cows passed gas. It’s beginning to have world-wide implications.”

In other news, presumptive Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney commented on the recent discovery of the Higgs-boson “God” particle at CERN's Large Hadron Collider on the Swiss-French border. “Matter just doesn’t matter,” Romney said.