Santorum: Elections will be fair when only Republicans can vote

GOP proves voter fraud claims by

committing it themselves

Palm Beach, FL (Bob’s Blog): The Republican Party has proven to the nation that they were justified in passing draconian voter suppression laws by hiring Strategic Allied Consulting of Tempe (SACT), Arizona to commit fraud in five battleground states.

In Palm Beach, company spokesman Nathan Sproul took credit for signing up dead people, dogs, cats, unicorns and ACORN opponents. “That’s what we were hired to do,” he said, “register living things other than fern spores that could help the Republican ticket this November.” He added, “We figured that even if we got caught, it would have the additional positive effect of proving that voter fraud exists, something we’ve been missing in our efforts to keep those leeches from the 47 percents from voting.”

Democrats were quick to pounce on the effort. Said one administration official, “We think this approach is unacceptable. It would be like starting a war to prove we need to increase defense spending, and America’s leaders would never do that.”

Palm Beach Republicans used $3.1 million earned on E-Bay by selling bags of old election chads left over from the 2000 election to hire the consulting firm that is conducting similar registration campaigns in five battleground states. A spokesman from Florida Gov. Rick Scott’s office said, “We figured that just purging Democrats from the voting rolls wouldn’t be enough to get a toad like Romney elected.”

The GOP says it has severed ties with the consulting firm but some evidence is surfacing that indicates they will continue their assignment under a different name. One unnamed soured said that since Republicans successfully slandered the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) out of business and since they still had stationery left over, they’d adopt the ACORN acronym which will now stand for Always Corrupt Overreaching Republican Nutjobs.

In sports news, Cleveland Brown fans are ecstatic about their 0-4 start. One fan said, “We can’t believe the early season progress they’re making to earn the overall number one draft pick for next year.”