Bears loaded with bull

In face of economic doom, Wall Street brokers demonstrate calm … one minute at a time.

New York, NY: (Bob’s Blog) Showing all the calm and steady handedness of Chicken Little when he thought the sky was falling, brokers on Wall Street have been taking the American economy on a quite a ride … one needing barf bags.

We interviewed broker Trey Durr on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange & Fun House last week.

Blog: Trey, you just bought 50,000 shares of Pacific Paper. Why?

Trey: Because today’s jobless report shows a greater than expected number of new jobless claims.

Blog: So?

Trey: Resumes, my friend. These out-of-work saps have to submit resumes on paper, don’t they?

Blog: Well, no. In fact, many younger people are simply using new technologies to network with friends and professional acquaintances to find new employment.

Trey: Hold on. FRANK. Dump Pacific Paper, now. SELL IT ALL! They’re doomed. Now, next question.

Blog: On the other hand, many of the unemployed are older … baby boomers who haven’t been trained in the new technologies.

Trey: Really? Hold on. FRANK. BUY IT ALL BACK! Pacific Paper is on the ol’ bull train. Now, next question.

Blog: We’ve got our sound bite, Trey. Thanks for your time.

Trey: You’re … BUY, SELL, BUY, SELL … welcome … BUY, SELL, BUY, SELL.

In other news, caffeine futures are up.