Lone Star State going it alone

To save country from its governor, Texas legislature approves his request to secede from union

Austin, Independent Republic of Texas: (Bob’s Blog) Brave legislators in Texas voted to approve Gov. Rick Perry’s previous request to secede from the union.

“After he (Gov. Perry) skyrocketed to the position of favorite among the Republican candidates for President, we had to do something to protect the rest of the nation,” said one unnamed senator in Austin. “Texans had to take the rap for eight years of George W. Bush even though we knew he was an interloper from Connecticut. But when we elected Perry, it was déjà vu all over again. We figured if we didn’t secede, the other 49 states would probably vote to give us back to Mexico anyway.”

President Obama took the news surprisingly well. “I want what’s best for America and for the people of Texas. Even though it is not what my idol Abraham Lincoln would have wanted, I think we can still be a strong nation with the 56 states we’ll have left.”

While most Americans voiced ferocious ambivalence to the vote, the strongest opposition came from Mexico City where leaders are still convinced that Texas was stolen from them in the 1800s. They have long campaigned for Texas to be given back and for Oklahoma to be thrown in as reparations. “The gringos took our land and our oil,” said one Mexican official.

Other Mexicans were not as excited about the move. “If Texas becomes part of Mexico, then I just wasted a lot of energy,” said one Mexican interviewed after he had just finished swimming across the border.

Legislators in Austin insist that Texas is no longer part of the United States and certainly is not part of Mexico. “We are an independent nation,” said one representative. “And we’re going to seek foreign aid from America to help us balance our budget.”

Michele Bachmann said that Texas should remain part of the United States. "Everyone knows that the United States earned the right to Texas when we kicked Spain's butt at the Alamo," she said.